Puppets or maybe Muppets....

Have you ever felt like a puppet on a string??? I ha.... nope I do!! My life as I know it feels controlled by other people. I feel like I do not have a choice in anything......BUT (now that is a big one) one person an intriguing, somewhat clinical, kind, funny, helpful.....(I can go on but I am sure you would not want to read an entire page full of my opinion  of this person) told me that I am in charge BUT, (that is a really big one) I do not feel like I am in charge. I asked this rather not so mysterious person if they had ever felt like a puppet on a string their answer?....you guessed it YES!!!! I asked how they got free they had to think about it....understandable of course and the answer???? Not the easy one was......(I'm gonna paraphrase here) they made boundaries and changes in the relationships that they felt that way about it was and is a slow process......I turned the clinical on them and asked if it turned out good??? Not always was the answer. I went more clinical and asked how did you feel about that??? He liked that (the clinical part) but said it can be sad......I have a journey ahead of me and to be honest it scares the living hell out of me (heck if it really scared hell out of me, my life would not be this way). I have things to do, people to see and places to be and those are things I do not want to do, people I do not want to see, and places I do not want to be! I feel like I have hoops to jump through but, (not so big this time) there is this voice in my head (no I have already been told I am not crazy, it sure does feels like it sometimes) that keeps saying I am in charge. I can not seem to wrap my head around this concept that I am in charge, I hate conflict I try to avoid it at all cost (unless mama bear is needed then my give a damn gets busted) and in situations like mine conflict is inevitable unfortunately. I have been told I am brave I do not see it, I have been told I am intelligent again I do not see it. It appears some have more confidence in me than I do. Forrest Gump had the right idea life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you're gonna get......it seems like I got all the bad ones, (you know the ones no one eats) in my box. Sigh I really think if I have to be a Puppet I would rather be a Muppet they are much more fun to see. They sing, dance and make you laugh and better yet they have no strings.......I feel like a puppet on a string, one day I wish to be free.......

That's my thought for the day,

Crazy for Christmas