It Is What It Is!!!

Everything bad that has happened in her life she believes is her fault, She can not outrun the "bad" luck that seems to have become the norm for her, someone once said if she didn't have bad luck she wouldn't have any luck at all. It is her fault her family is falling apart and her husband can't be with his brother....she feels like the weight she carries will never lighten, the loneliness she feels will never fade, the deep sadness that engulfs her entire being that entraps her with only a glimpse of laughter every so often will never release her. Taking deep breaths to manage each day she barley manages.....tears flow often she tries to hide them, she can not show the weakness that wants to show itself to the world, she must stay strong, she can not budge and when she does it flows like a flooded river and she apologizes for the weakness she has shown. Her strength is weakening and she is scared she can not show what she is holding inside, the lifetime of strength she has been forced to have seems to be caving in. she can not bare the judgement she is sure to face if she shows how much she hurts. She feels invisible unless something is needed, then she is acknowledged and when it's done she becomes invisible once more. She never dreamed her life would be like this, she never dreamed she would feel so alone, she never dreamed she would want to hide from those who claim to love her. Never in her life did she think she would want to escape her surroundings she feels so trapped....but hey It is what it is right??? She feels vulnerable and broken. she feels like the pot on the wheel that the potter is trimming, the very tool that is used to reveal something beautiful can break and damage the pot, it can be repaired but it will never be the same.....but hey It is what it is right???  Once the social butterfly she is now afraid to socialize, she doesn't fit in, she wants to run and hide, she places a smile on her face that doesn't reach her eyes but, no one seems to notice and she keeps limping on with her life. Her mind doesn't shut off it is constantly filled with your life is your fault and what if's but the reality of it all is, her life......is what it is and there is no changing it, she is stuck in a place and if she could only reach the hand that is being offered maybe one day she will be ok but for now it is what it is.....She feels like an alien going out in public she only goes when necessary she used to enjoy being out but now she just wants to hide. She dreamed once of a fairy tale life but that dream like all the others was crushed with reality and now she doesn't dare to dream at all for fear they will turn to nightmares but hey it is what it is right???  She stays in the shadows instead of the sun she keeps to herself most of the time there is a brief moment where she dares to show the person who is hiding inside but those are the times she feels most vulnerable and is really afraid and really wants to hide. Let's be honest here instead of saying she I really mean me......but hey it is what it is right???

That's My Thought For The Day,

Crazy for Christmas