It has been about 4 years since I have posted anything. I decided it was time. Many things have changed since I last posted, and yet many have not. What has changed? well, I now have an Associates degree with the focus of Psychology, a BS in Psychology, a minor in Sociology, and a certificate in Community Psychology. On top of that, I got accepted into 3 National/International Honor Societies. I start a Clinical Psychology Masters program this month. The things that have not changed? Sadly, I still struggle with the self negative narrative, I mean I really struggle with it. The thoughts of how worthless I am, how I am not deserving of anything good in my life, how I will never be good enough, how I am a loser, how I am a major screw up, how I am a waste of space, how I am breathing air someone else should be breathing (do not worry I will not hurt myself, these are just the thoughts that go through my head)....and so many more.
What I am struggling with now, is every action has a reaction, every action has a consequence, every action affects someone in one way or another. Those consequences are not always positive. Some negative consequences are getting into trouble with the law, hurting someone you care about, and damaging a relationship to name a few. How the person handles the consequence will determine the outcome in the end. Being an adult is difficult, owning up to what was done is in some cases even more difficult. Learning from the encounter and consequences is priceless. It takes maturity to own up to what one did, it takes a coward to pass the blame on to others. It takes strength to own up, it takes weakness to say I did nothing wrong. Some positive consequences are, you make someone smile or laugh, you get a promotion, you get a pay raise, you mend a broken relationship, and when it comes to the law you change your behavior and possibly, not always lessen the punishment.
It takes work all around. In relationships of any kind it takes two, it takes one to not always get but to give in return. Everyone gives differently and as long as the other is filled up then it could be considered an equal give and take. When it comes to making changes it only takes you. No one can change you for you, the desire to change has to come from you or change will never happen.
With what is happening in our world today no one seems to be held accountable for their actions. With that said the price is paid by every person not committing those actions or the actions that hurt other people. Honestly, though, can anyone say they are completely innocent of hurting others, on purpose or not? I do not think so. I feel every person has done some action that may or may not have been deliberate, yet it was done and the person it was directed towards has been affected.
I would like to challenge you to do a self-reflection, really look inside of you. Find where you are at and just deeply examine yourself. You may discover things you do not like, you may discover that one time you did this or that, and you actually might have affected someone else. Keep this in mind NO ONE is perfect. Try to have some self-compassion, allow yourself to feel things, give yourself permission to forgive you.......I know I need to practice what I preach. Change is never easy, the belief we hold about ourselves can be the biggest challenge to overcome. As I said at the beginning I am really struggling....my beliefs have a hold of me and I am trying to break free from it, honestly, I feel like I am sinking. I struggle, I fight, sometimes I get knocked down. It takes time to get back up, but I do get up.
That's My Thought For The Day,
Still Wondering Who I Am
