I Still Love You

Dear Child of mine:

I carried you so long ago, through the morning sickness and pain of delivery. God gave you to me to care for and raise and lead. I kissed the boo boo's, tucked you in, prayed with you every night, said good morning through your life. You counted on me to feed, care, clean, clothe, comfort and even discipline. Through Love and Logic and my feel free to do's right down to the feel free to stop using feel free from you. All along I have loved, cared, prayed and cried for you as the years pass you have developed your own personality, you have your own way of doing things, your very own attitude. You have learned life isn't fair, and you have your own share of pain. yet through it all I still love you even though I ruin your life, and I listen to how much you hate me I am still feeding you, caring for you, clothing you, comforting you and I am crying because of you yet I still LOVE you. My heart breaks with each harsh word I hear trying not to shed a tear instead sometimes I get angry with you yet I STILL LOVE YOU!!!!!! Every parents heart has their treasures and their pain, and to have you I would do it all over again....would I change things yes I would but, to only better life for you....my heart is heavy tonight as I try to figure you out I was once your age and I can only hope I was not this way but, I have a feeling I was so mama I am sorry for what I put you through in my time and for now I pray my kid will be alright.

That's my though for the day,

really peachy but, still Crazy for Christmas

God never gives up

I AM A SINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is no doubt about that ! I have made choices and I have done things in my life I am not proud of. I have felt guilt and shame at those choices, I have turned away from God thinking those choices made Him not love me. All lies from the enemy, God forgives when you ask  He teaches us to forgive also. That last one is a bit difficult and, at this point in my life I am struggling with just that. I am just plain struggling!!!! Since spring when the world as I knew it came crashing down I have been struggling. The anger, guilt, sadness, hatred yes I said hatred (I know that is not good either and I am working on it) all of it has built up so much that I find myself doubting. Doubting myself, my family, my Church, Friends and God. That has caused me to feel some guilt and again lies from the enemy. I find myself disconnected from people I was once connected to and the desire to reconnect is not there. I have anger that is holding on to me so tight sometimes I find it hard to breathe. I want to LET IT GO!!!! (now im singing the song from frozen in my mind) I told God this morning I did not want this anymore I wanted to be free from it. and the song You Raise Me Up came to mind......

I will admit this song has gotten me through some tough times. I guess my whole point to this post is do not give up because God never gives up on you, do not listen to the lies of the enemy they will drag you down and hold you back and God wants us to move forward.

That's my thought for the day,

Peachy but, still Crazy for Christmas