Dr.~ you have metal in your back, have you been shot???
Me~ WHAT??? NO I have never been shot or stabbed, I had 2 C-Sections could it be a needle???
Dr.~ no they are too thick to break
Me~ I have an alien........
Dr.~ go get an x-ray
this was Monday the 6th
Wednesday the 8th
Dr.~ it's metallic it looks like a needle, the surgeons do not want to remove it because it will cause more pain flares for you.
Me~ my first C-Section was in 98 my second in 01
Dr.~ oh crap that was a long time ago
Me~ yep
And people wonder why I am scared of needles oi!!!! I am guessing it happened when they stuck me like 10 times to numb me when my daughter was born. That same Monday visit he moves me around and IT HURTS!!!! According to the Dr,. I am hypersensitive to pain!!!! YAY ME! or not so much......
Okay so changing the subject sort of, I have 3 people who are supposed to "help" me an intriguing, somewhat clinical, not so mysterious friend, a therapist and a psychiatrist I have nicknames for all of them the therapist I call Mr. Rogers he totally reminds me of him, the psychiatrist I call snow miser I will get to that in a bit and the intriguing....(you get it) I call Mr. Personality out of the 3 can you guess which one I prefer??? yep, Mr. Personality. I was on cloud 9 when I saw Mr. Personality on Tuesday right before I saw Snow Miser. I told him I put a twist to his suggestion for my toolbox and showed him the tattoo the look on his face was priceless and so worth it!!! He thought I was going to show him a rock. He did get clinical and asked how I felt about it and I told him I felt good. I also told him some people thought I had gone off the deep end, his response??? Good, maybe they need to worry about you....(totally paraphrasing this, it was last week after all). Now on to Snow Miser, he pushed me off my cloud!!!!!!!! I have not been able to get back up to it again...I felt like I was facing a bigger dragon with bigger teeth, I felt glued to the chair and my legs were like cement......I felt like I was talking to a block of ice.....shaking his hand gave me frostbite. Mr. Personality is clinical...Snow Miser is a 1000 times more clinical. He asked about my life and I kept hearing how unfortunate...I separated myself from the situation and just answered his questions I felt numb. I told him my biggest mistake in my life was not dying when I was born...his response ya I read that in the notes.......I felt defeated and I still do. This has sent me spiraling backward and I am so dizzy from it I can not seem to stop spinning. The thoughts that keep going through my head......my life is unfortunate and they will not go away. Oh, I am not quite done there is more........Thursday someone stops by to see the tattoos that no one seems to think are real. I was told I have such a bubbly personality that they love to spend time with me. I asked why do people like me so much???? I do not show people everything that is going on and they said......."You are the true definition of beauty it comes from inside you, you are truly beautiful inside and out and that is why people like you"....can I say I had to work really hard to not punch him and I had to literally choke out the 2 little words THANK YOU!!! To me, they were not so little and they were the hardest thing to say. I was asked by Mr. Personality why I think I am not beautiful and I said because the 5 most important men in my life left me so there is obviously something wrong with me......2 steps forward 1000 steps back my life is unfortunate......
That's my thought for the day,
Crazy for Christmas
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thank You for stopping by, God Bless you.