Puppets or maybe Muppets....

Have you ever felt like a puppet on a string??? I ha.... nope I do!! My life as I know it feels controlled by other people. I feel like I do not have a choice in anything......BUT (now that is a big one) one person an intriguing, somewhat clinical, kind, funny, helpful.....(I can go on but I am sure you would not want to read an entire page full of my opinion  of this person) told me that I am in charge BUT, (that is a really big one) I do not feel like I am in charge. I asked this rather not so mysterious person if they had ever felt like a puppet on a string their answer?....you guessed it YES!!!! I asked how they got free they had to think about it....understandable of course and the answer???? Not the easy one was......(I'm gonna paraphrase here) they made boundaries and changes in the relationships that they felt that way about it was and is a slow process......I turned the clinical on them and asked if it turned out good??? Not always was the answer. I went more clinical and asked how did you feel about that??? He liked that (the clinical part) but said it can be sad......I have a journey ahead of me and to be honest it scares the living hell out of me (heck if it really scared hell out of me, my life would not be this way). I have things to do, people to see and places to be and those are things I do not want to do, people I do not want to see, and places I do not want to be! I feel like I have hoops to jump through but, (not so big this time) there is this voice in my head (no I have already been told I am not crazy, it sure does feels like it sometimes) that keeps saying I am in charge. I can not seem to wrap my head around this concept that I am in charge, I hate conflict I try to avoid it at all cost (unless mama bear is needed then my give a damn gets busted) and in situations like mine conflict is inevitable unfortunately. I have been told I am brave I do not see it, I have been told I am intelligent again I do not see it. It appears some have more confidence in me than I do. Forrest Gump had the right idea life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you're gonna get......it seems like I got all the bad ones, (you know the ones no one eats) in my box. Sigh I really think if I have to be a Puppet I would rather be a Muppet they are much more fun to see. They sing, dance and make you laugh and better yet they have no strings.......I feel like a puppet on a string, one day I wish to be free.......

That's my thought for the day,

Crazy for Christmas

The Kind Soul

I met a person with a kind soul, they reminded me of someone I used to know...For a moment Imagine a blank canvas,  Imagine a tender heart, one full of hope for the future, a future of helping and serving others. A heart so full of compassion it breaks when it hears of suffering and pain. A heart that gives all it has to what it is focused on at the moment. Imagine a heart so full of love it puts itself aside to go to the aid of others. Imagine a heart that soars through the atmosphere when it sees eyes light up with surprise and joy at something unexpected. A heart that would bend over backwards to help someone without expecting anything in return. A heart that does things just to see a smile. Imagine a heart who would drop everything for someone in need. Now, imagine a heart connected to a soul.....The soul brings life to the heart, it brings personality and ideas and together they make a human. A kind soul brings tears, joy, laughter, kindness, compassion, giving and helping to a whole new level.  Compassion and goodness flows from a kind soul with a tender heart. The desire to add color to a bleak world, to mold and shape the things around them. To bring peace and comfort to those who suffer, hope to the hopeless, rest for the weary. A kind soul will go the extra mile for someone in need. They give of them self....a kind soul will give so much they begin to drain and get tired. A kind soul will shed tears for those they can not help, a kind soul with a tender heart can break but will keep going until they can not go anymore. A kind soul will give, people will take,  like a glass half full eventually it gets emptied. Without anything to refill it the kind soul will fall.......Imagine seeing the broken soul, imagine taking some of what they have given and give it back to them. Start filling them up and watch them blossom once again. Kind souls are like gardens they will give until they can give no more but, without water the garden withers and dies. It takes a special person to have a heart to help with everything in their being, it takes a special person to want to inspire the world around them. Take a careful look around you for the kind souls of this world and see what you can do to help fill them up again. Oh one Last thing before I end maybe one day you can call one friend......

That's My Thought For The Day,

Crazy for Christmas

It Is What It Is!!!

Everything bad that has happened in her life she believes is her fault, She can not outrun the "bad" luck that seems to have become the norm for her, someone once said if she didn't have bad luck she wouldn't have any luck at all. It is her fault her family is falling apart and her husband can't be with his brother....she feels like the weight she carries will never lighten, the loneliness she feels will never fade, the deep sadness that engulfs her entire being that entraps her with only a glimpse of laughter every so often will never release her. Taking deep breaths to manage each day she barley manages.....tears flow often she tries to hide them, she can not show the weakness that wants to show itself to the world, she must stay strong, she can not budge and when she does it flows like a flooded river and she apologizes for the weakness she has shown. Her strength is weakening and she is scared she can not show what she is holding inside, the lifetime of strength she has been forced to have seems to be caving in. she can not bare the judgement she is sure to face if she shows how much she hurts. She feels invisible unless something is needed, then she is acknowledged and when it's done she becomes invisible once more. She never dreamed her life would be like this, she never dreamed she would feel so alone, she never dreamed she would want to hide from those who claim to love her. Never in her life did she think she would want to escape her surroundings she feels so trapped....but hey It is what it is right??? She feels vulnerable and broken. she feels like the pot on the wheel that the potter is trimming, the very tool that is used to reveal something beautiful can break and damage the pot, it can be repaired but it will never be the same.....but hey It is what it is right???  Once the social butterfly she is now afraid to socialize, she doesn't fit in, she wants to run and hide, she places a smile on her face that doesn't reach her eyes but, no one seems to notice and she keeps limping on with her life. Her mind doesn't shut off it is constantly filled with your life is your fault and what if's but the reality of it all is, her life......is what it is and there is no changing it, she is stuck in a place and if she could only reach the hand that is being offered maybe one day she will be ok but for now it is what it is.....She feels like an alien going out in public she only goes when necessary she used to enjoy being out but now she just wants to hide. She dreamed once of a fairy tale life but that dream like all the others was crushed with reality and now she doesn't dare to dream at all for fear they will turn to nightmares but hey it is what it is right???  She stays in the shadows instead of the sun she keeps to herself most of the time there is a brief moment where she dares to show the person who is hiding inside but those are the times she feels most vulnerable and is really afraid and really wants to hide. Let's be honest here instead of saying she I really mean me......but hey it is what it is right???

That's My Thought For The Day,

Crazy for Christmas