Who Am I Again??

A question I have been wondering about a lot lately is Who Am I??? at one time I would have said with out hesitation I am A Child of the ONE true King as Matthew West puts it but, today I stand wondering WHO AM I??? I do not know anymore. As you all may have figured out there has been some unpleasant things happening in my life and in the lives of my family. There is tons of anger, and blame for what is going on being put on to some who had nothing to do with what happened. They just happened to be in the crossfire of it. The unfortunate thing is it is tearing relationships apart and there is no way of knowing if time will heal the wounds. Without actually going into details about what happened I will share what is happening to me before you think how selfish, this is only my part of the story there is so much more to it. I am going through a sort of grieving process or so I have been told. I will probably go through it longer than some in my family again so I have been told. I am angry at the world (I guess that is at just about everyone), I feel no one cares, I feel all alone in this, I feel like I have to do it on my own, I cry, I yell, I scream usually at God because I know He will listen and not get irritated with me or remind me it is not about me. I have to be the pillar of strength for my family, I have to act like I am ok when I am peachy I have to listen, take the anger directed toward me (because of the situation) and not bat an eyelash....I am expected to carry on and not work through it because it is not about me. BUT (and that is a big one) I experienced this in my past, I am remembering the struggle and hurt I had then, on top of going through it and supporting the one who is experiencing it now. Double whammy is an understatement of the century yet, I am expected to be the champion and my strength is growing weak. I have tried to reach out and feel shut out so I am done reaching. I have deactivated my FB and I do not know if I will ever return. I have been told don't shut people out but honestly God is the ONLY one who I think I can count on. My friends have their own struggles so I do not want to burden them with mine. I will admit there are one or two I feel I can talk to and I do via text sometimes. The days I feel overwhelmed and want to do nothing but cry....I do it on my own. So for now I am turning to God the only ear who will not turn away. I am combing through my Bible. While reading I come across things that I want to ask questions about because I want to learn but from now on I just don't ask.....so I guess in answer to my question or at least a part of the answer is yes I am a child of the One true King and I am thankful for that, it is the most important part of me, yet it is not all of me but, I still have not figured it all out. This has changed me and I am not sure I like it but that is for me to figure out on my own. This song was running through my head when I woke up this morning I am sure I posted this before but here it is again by Matthew West

Have a blessed day and remember if you feel like there is no one just lean on God a little more.

That's my thought for the day,

Peachy but still Crazy for Christmas