How do you fix the broken?

How do you fix broken when the broken can't be fixed? The 14th of this month marks one year since the world my family knew came spiraling down and out of control and we became surrounded with pain, heartache, and an over whelming since of failure (well on my part at least.) It is almost like we are in a tug o war with ourselves and the family around us. One side believes one thing and we know the other. Families torn apart and broken.  Hence how do you fix broken when the broken can't be fixed??? No amount of human trying will fix the unfixable but, there is One who can BUT, it is only in His time and not ours and as a human, sinner, mother, and imperfect being, waiting is not my strong suit. To be honest I am not sure I want it to be fixed except, for my husbands sake maybe one relationship could be. Am I wrong? Probably and that is mine alone to take and deal with. I can not change what happened or fix the brokenness that is here, we are still dealing and trying to move forward we have had so many struggles in the last year and I am sure we will face more in the months to come....we are in a grieving stage of sorts not the grieving one would expect but grieving none the less. I am tired so very tired and I am not sure how much longer I can keep moving forward on my own....the one thing I do know is this even though I feel all alone I know that God has not left my side. He is walking with me and when I can't seem to take the next step He picks my foot up and moves it forward. I live my life one day at a time. I was diagnosed with an anxiety from a counselor, I never thought I had anything like that on top of everything else now that is added to it. I put one foot in front of the other and when I can't God walks for me. I can't fix the broken but, God can I hope He fixes me soon. May God bless your life and every step you take and when the times get tough and you feel broken let God in and fix the brokenness inside you.

That's my thought for the day,

Crazy for Christmas

Two words, a smile and a choice.......

As we close the month of November and start the last month of 2014 there is a slight difference to this season in life. There feels like something hanging over the Christmas season and I think we need to figure out a way to change things up and get Merry and Bright for the season of Jesus's birth. Thinking over the last 11 months it started out ok but it went spiraling out of whack about 4 months into it for my family and we have been off our game....I have been off my game the one who runs things, runs the taxi service, maid service, cook, nurse, teacher and the one who gets the blame for ruining my kids lives because I said no oh my, I am off my game. I have disconnected from family, friends true ones and so called ones, and I will admit my church as well....I still go but I feel out of place me the social butterfly and I avoid social situations....I am off my game. I do not know when I will get back to my game but, I know Christmas is a season of love, peace, hope, giving, caring, sharing and a heaviness is hanging on like an icicle hanging on to the eves of a house in 10 below weather. so how about we do this We smile everyday even if we do not feel like it, we decide to have a good day and tell people Merry Christmas if we can do that maybe the joy of Christmas will spread like wild fire across our nation, our world. There may be just one person who needs that smile to give them hope in what may seem like a hopeless time, maybe the Merry Christmas will help someone know there is good in this world because a kind person actually spoke to them. Pay it forward sometime buy someones coffee or food at a drive through just to give them a gift. the little things we do can have a big effect on someones life and bring them some light in what otherwise may be a dark life. keep it in mind Merry Christmas it is just two words, a smile and a choice...

That's my thought for the day,

Peachy but, Crazy for Christmas

I Still Love You

Dear Child of mine:

I carried you so long ago, through the morning sickness and pain of delivery. God gave you to me to care for and raise and lead. I kissed the boo boo's, tucked you in, prayed with you every night, said good morning through your life. You counted on me to feed, care, clean, clothe, comfort and even discipline. Through Love and Logic and my feel free to do's right down to the feel free to stop using feel free from you. All along I have loved, cared, prayed and cried for you as the years pass you have developed your own personality, you have your own way of doing things, your very own attitude. You have learned life isn't fair, and you have your own share of pain. yet through it all I still love you even though I ruin your life, and I listen to how much you hate me I am still feeding you, caring for you, clothing you, comforting you and I am crying because of you yet I still LOVE you. My heart breaks with each harsh word I hear trying not to shed a tear instead sometimes I get angry with you yet I STILL LOVE YOU!!!!!! Every parents heart has their treasures and their pain, and to have you I would do it all over again....would I change things yes I would but, to only better life for you....my heart is heavy tonight as I try to figure you out I was once your age and I can only hope I was not this way but, I have a feeling I was so mama I am sorry for what I put you through in my time and for now I pray my kid will be alright.

That's my though for the day,

really peachy but, still Crazy for Christmas

God never gives up

I AM A SINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is no doubt about that ! I have made choices and I have done things in my life I am not proud of. I have felt guilt and shame at those choices, I have turned away from God thinking those choices made Him not love me. All lies from the enemy, God forgives when you ask  He teaches us to forgive also. That last one is a bit difficult and, at this point in my life I am struggling with just that. I am just plain struggling!!!! Since spring when the world as I knew it came crashing down I have been struggling. The anger, guilt, sadness, hatred yes I said hatred (I know that is not good either and I am working on it) all of it has built up so much that I find myself doubting. Doubting myself, my family, my Church, Friends and God. That has caused me to feel some guilt and again lies from the enemy. I find myself disconnected from people I was once connected to and the desire to reconnect is not there. I have anger that is holding on to me so tight sometimes I find it hard to breathe. I want to LET IT GO!!!! (now im singing the song from frozen in my mind) I told God this morning I did not want this anymore I wanted to be free from it. and the song You Raise Me Up came to mind......

I will admit this song has gotten me through some tough times. I guess my whole point to this post is do not give up because God never gives up on you, do not listen to the lies of the enemy they will drag you down and hold you back and God wants us to move forward.

That's my thought for the day,

Peachy but, still Crazy for Christmas

Faith, Hope, Love....Nope pretty much just LOVE

To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable, Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.
Gilbert K. Chesterton

He makes some interesting points in this quote. My Pastor spoke about love in a sermon last Sunday. Pastor Paul said (and again I may not get it word for word but the idea is there) Love in any context is a choice!!! Pretty powerful words but oh so true. I have believed this most of my life loving someone is a choice we make whether we "FEEL" it or not.

There are 4 types of love Storge love (affection) or brotherly love, believe it or not Merriam Webster could not find this word so I am winging it here on this. Storge is a love that family feels for each other or a brotherly, sisterly and so on type of love ( my kids could use some lessons on this) it is love that an be vulnerable according to C.S. Lewis. It is a love for those we are close to.

Philia or Friendship love the dictionary had a meaning for it but not one I want to share when thinking of friendship, so you can look it up if you like. C.S. Lewis stated (Philia love) Friendship a strong bond between two people who share  common interests or activities. He also said that true friendships, like the friendship between David and Jonathan in the Bible, are almost a lost art. He expressed a strong dislike for how modern society ignores friendship. It is so easy to just throw a friendship away these days it is so hurtful and in my opinion throwing away a friendship on a whim is not a true one.

Eros romance the sense of being "in love"  ahhh how we (girls at least) dream of that perfect love, the knight in shining armor the one perfect match for our heart. Again so many just throw it away and move on to the next. We must choose to love that man or woman even when we do not feel it or at times even like them. In my opinion if you can not commit don't get into it Vows should never be taken lightly.

Agape unconditional love According to C.S. Lewis is the love that brings forth caring regardless the circumstance, the type God has for us.  Back to what my Pastor said God commands us to love Him.

God Never goes against His word. Some people feel that their feelings for Jesus can allow them to disregard God's commands, that is not real love. Loving the Lord compels us to keep His commands.
1 Corinthians 13:13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

We have a free will God gave that to us it can be a blessing and a curse. Love is lived out one decision at a time. Love is a choice it is up to us to choose love over not loving at all.  Nothing is ever easy no one ever said it would be but, with God all things are possible through prayer and simple choices but we need to let our thoughts and heart be in tune to God not ourselves.

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, 'thy will be done', and those to whom  God says, 'all right, then, have it your way'.
C.S. Lewis

free will blessing or curse if we choose to do our own thing our path will be longer and harder a lesson to be learned. Obey God's commands and love or don't you decide.

That's my thought for the day,

Peachy but still Crazy for Christmas

Zombies???? Are you one?

Ok so let me get one thing straight I do NOT like zombies but, there is a reason for my title. When I listen to what my Pastor teaches sometimes I get inspired like this past Sunday. My Pastor is teaching from Deuteronomy and he spoke on humility. What is humility??? Humility is when you are more concerned about others than yourself (and you do not even know it).....let us not confuse humility with humiliate which means to make (someone) feel very ashamed or foolish (Merriam Webster online dictionary) two words so very similar in spelling and sound but, they have two totally different meanings.

Humility is being humble and being humble is not proud; and not thinking of yourself as better than other people sound familiar? Being humble can be faked and you can put on a good show for all to see but, what really matters is what God sees, that is where your heart is....NO ONE can fool God! (side note here my Pastor has such great little tidbits of information and most of everything in here......the idea came from him I am just adding my own little twist to it.)  Onward and Upward??? well technically it is downward if you keep reading going up makes no sense what so ever......Humility and teachability is the platform for living! If we are not humble or teachable life can be ummmm interesting to say the least.....look at the Israelite's it took them 40 years to finally become teachable and actually learn but, they did not keep what they learned for long and life became complicated. Israel is the generation of unbelief does that sound like now???? with where our country is going I would say we are heading in that direction ourselves so very sad. (I actually took notes this week) "If we are in a humble place God wants us to be content" (Quoting Pastor Paul as best as I can) talk about WOW can you hit it any closer to home than that??? In my situation I actually have experienced humiliation as well as humbleness, am I content? well no I am not!! I really dislike where I am now but, on the bright side I do have a roof over my head even if I have wheels under my feet. I am thankful but, far from content....Have I been teachable? maybe not as much as I had thought. You see God tests us not because we do not know His heart but, to learn where, how our heart is. God does not ever reveal to us what is going to happen and that should drive us to our knees and to just have FAITH!!!! Yes there it is people the little 5 letter word we tend to struggle with. Being a believer is not about ya dude I believe there is a God what more do you need from me????

Deuteronomy 8:3 NASB says
3 He humbled you and let you be hungry, fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your father know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord.

Matthew 4:4 says the same thing (just different words) NASB
4 But He answered and said, "It is written, Man shall NOT live on bread alone, but on EVERY word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.'

Our own pleasure is not our reward and anyone thinking they live for bread alone is one of.....(wait for it)....the living dead, see I told you my title had a reason ZOMBIES!!!!!! the word just popped into my head when my Pastor said "the living dead".  Yes my friends I described it as we have Christians living on earth on bread alone and they are just like zombies....I do not want to be a zombie, I want to be ALIVE and full of God and His love. Even when we do not follow what God wants, when we disobey, God still loves us. It is our job to reach the lost, to pray for them. So many are searching for something and when they do not find it they take things into their own hands. It has a bigger affect on those around that were left to pick up the pieces. My prayer is this that God will drop a big revival on our world! Not just our nation but, world wide and those who are lost, sad and hurting might finally be found, happy and pain free. starting with our families, friends and spreading out from there just pray please let's pray that the zombies will come back to the land of the living.

That's my though for the day,

Peachy but, still Crazy for Christmas 135 days to go :-)

We all have our own Egypt

Yesterday my Pastor started the message with some crazy laws that are in the books and real and when he mentioned Hood River he looked right at me....did you know that if you want to juggle in Hood River, Oregon you need a license??? ha ha how funny is that? Hood River is a town I went to a Christian school or two in and it is not far from where I grew up, graduated, got married and had my first child. My daughter decided to look up other laws (during service and we will be chatting about that) that are completely ridiculous. As always for my Pastor there are spiritual lessons in everything and he taught from Deuteronomy 5 Moses going over the 10 commandments again the Laws God laid down for the Israelites. Pausing here I am going to go off on my own little thing now......The Israelites were ALWAYS straying and doing their own thing. When Moses was up on the mountain chatting with God they were down there saying let's get this party started and roped Moses's brother the big A into helping. God was not happy to say the least, punishments were handed out and they were forgiven. They went on their way but, it appears this happened a lot all through the old testament. God rescued them from Egypt, saved them from drowning, fed them, watered them, healed them, protected them, guided them with pillars of cloud and fire all because He loved them and they kept being human. Flash forward a few thousand years question for you how are we different from the Israelites??? we're not!!!!!!!!! We all have our own Egypt everyone is different yet God is still the same. God set laws for us to follow so we can live our life the way He wants us to and I am guessing more often than not.....we pullout the stops and do our own thing especially, when it seems nothing is happening.....I am guilty of that totally and the consequences of us telling God thanks but I will do it now.....well I think you can all guess what happens when we do a human sinner nature thing like that...I guess my point is we are not much different than the people in the Bible but, God has always stayed the same.

so some crazy laws here you go.
Oregon (my state)

• Drivers may NOT test their physical endurance while driving a car on the Highway
• A door on a car may not be left open any longer than necessary
• Dishes must drip dry

Rhode Island

• One must make a loud noise before passing a car on the left

Providence Rhode Island

• you may not sell tooth paste and toothbrush to the same customer on Sunday 

Kentucky

• throwing eggs at a public speaker could result in a prison sentence of up to one year this was repealed in 1975
• one may not dye a duckling blue and offer it up for sale unless there are more than 6 ducklings for sale at once

Alabama

• it is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in Church
• it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle
• you may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time

Maine

• after January 14th you will be fined for having Christmas decorations up

Washington

• all lollipops are banned
• the harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered species is a felony punishable by a fine and/or imprisonment
• it is illegal to pretend that ones parents are rich
• when two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed

All of these and more are funny but, at some point there was a reason to make them (my Pastor said something like that too). In closing this very random post but maybe not so random keep in mind God has never changed even though everything else has.

That's my thought for the day,

Peachy but, still crazy for Christmas